Avni Rudaku \u2013 sociolog<\/p>\n
Trajtat e lidhjeve dashurore po evoluojn\u00eb. Poliamor\u00ebt jan\u00eb p\u00ebrhapur mjaft shum\u00eb n\u00eb Per\u00ebndim. Kur dikush ju thot\u00eb: “Jam poliamor!”, nuk e ka fjal\u00ebn p\u00ebr “poliester”, por p\u00ebr lidhjen dashurore me shum\u00eb partner\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn koh\u00eb, duke e ditur t\u00eb gjith\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00ebri-tjetrin se jan\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb lidhje t\u00eb nj\u00ebkohshme, pa xhelozi fillestare, dhe potencialisht, me rr\u00ebshqitje n\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00eb von\u00eb. Greqisht, poli, dihet tashm\u00eb, shum\u00eb, kurse amorus, latinisht p\u00ebr dashurin\u00eb. Poliamor\u00ebt mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb heteroseksual\u00eb, por shum\u00eb prej tyre jan\u00eb LGBT, panseksual\u00eb etj.<\/p>\n
Dallimi i poliamoris\u00eb me poligamin\u00eb<\/p>\n
Poligamia \u00ebsht\u00eb e njohur n\u00eb shum\u00eb vende, kultura e religjione. Mysliman\u00ebt dhe mormon\u00ebt e zbatojn\u00eb edhe sot poligamin\u00eb, p\u00ebrkat\u00ebsisht poligjinin\u00eb: kur burri martohet me disa gra n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn koh\u00eb. N\u00eb shumic\u00ebn e vendeve per\u00ebndimore dhe jasht\u00eb tyre, poligamia \u00ebsht\u00eb joligjore. N\u00eb vendet islame, edhe etike, edhe ligjore. Poligamia dallon nga poliamoria:
\n– poligamia kryesisht \u00ebsht\u00eb e gjinis\u00eb mashkullore, ndon\u00ebse ka edhe poliandri, por m\u00eb rrall\u00eb; te poliamor\u00ebt, edhe burrat, edhe grat\u00eb kan\u00eb t\u00eb drejt\u00ebn e tyre morale e sociale;
\n– poligamia m\u00eb s\u00eb shumti identifikohet me islamin dhe mormonizmin e krishter\u00eb, traditat e hershme afrikane, aziatike etj., kurse poliameria kryesisht sekulare e laike. Mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb her\u00eb feminist\u00eb radikal\u00eb e t\u00eb moderuar, sekular\u00eb t\u00eb but\u00eb e t\u00eb fort\u00eb, ateist\u00eb, ose pa u ndikuar aq nga feja, por nga bot\u00ebkuptimi liberal e sekular;
\n– poligamia lidhet me kuror\u00ebzim, kurse poliamor\u00ebt nuk kuror\u00ebzohen, sepse do t\u00eb ishte thuajse poligami, si dhe n\u00eb SHBA e gjetiu, konsiderohet ilegale. Edhe po t\u00eb duan, nuk munden;
\n– poligamia m\u00eb shum\u00eb kufizohet tek afrikan\u00ebt, aziatik\u00ebt, arab\u00ebt, mormon\u00ebt e krishter\u00eb amerikan\u00eb t\u00eb bardh\u00eb, zona t\u00eb tjera m\u00eb t\u00eb mbyllura, kurse poliamoria m\u00eb s\u00eb shumti e p\u00ebrhapur n\u00eb Per\u00ebndim, si alternativ\u00eb e monogamis\u00eb serike ose statike;
\n– poligamia m\u00eb shum\u00eb kufizohet nga besimi i partner\u00ebve n\u00eb baza fetare, kurse poliamor\u00ebt, u tregojn\u00eb partner\u00ebve t\u00eb tyre me baza lirie personale dhe mir\u00ebkuptimi e pajtimi reciprok e grupor;
\n– poligamia mbetet kryesisht heteroseksuale, kurse poliameria e t\u00eb gjitha orientimeve seksuale, homo, bi, hetero, pan…;
\n– poligamia mbetet e kahershme dhe tradicionale, kurse poliamoria me baz\u00eb revolucionin seksual para mbi gjysm\u00eb shekulli dhe l\u00ebvizjet e m\u00ebdha sociale, politike, feministe…
\nA mund t\u00eb duam n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn koh\u00eb shum\u00eb partner\u00eb?
\nPo.
\nShumica e kan\u00eb nj\u00eb stereotip, se nuk munden. Por dashuria bashk\u00ebshortore n\u00eb monogami, e shoq\u00ebruar shpesh edhe me lidhje jasht\u00ebmartesore e “shfalerka”, “dashnore”, \u00ebsht\u00eb kopje analoge deri diku e poliamor\u00ebve. E duan gruan, e duan dashnoren! Dikush thot\u00eb se, pik\u00ebrisht pse gjeni dashnore, jasht\u00eb martes\u00ebs, nuk e doni gruan! Por edhe ky \u00ebsht\u00eb stereotip. Mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb dyjat: edhe ka raste kur i do t\u00eb dyjat, edhe vet\u00ebm nj\u00ebr\u00ebn. Ose varianti i tret\u00eb: dyjat i do, por nj\u00ebr\u00ebn pak ma shum\u00eb, ose n\u00eb frekuenca t\u00eb ndryshme vlerore e funksionale. A nuk vlen kjo edhe p\u00ebr n\u00ebnat, kur themi: “N\u00ebna i do nj\u00ebsoj f\u00ebmij\u00ebt e vet!”?! Por dikush nga f\u00ebmij\u00ebt, ta thot\u00eb: “At\u00eb, t\u00eb madhin, a t\u00eb voglin, e do m\u00eb shum\u00eb!” Ose fjalia: “N\u00ebna e mir\u00eb nuk tregon k\u00eb e do m\u00eb s\u00eb shumti prej f\u00ebmij\u00ebve t\u00eb saj!” Demek, nuk b\u00ebn ta thuash, por ndodh realisht. Analogjia \u00ebsht\u00eb edhe e pasakt\u00eb, por ne duhet t\u00eb kuptojm\u00eb se kapaciteti njer\u00ebzor \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb duash m\u00eb shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn koh\u00eb, sesa vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb p\u00ebrjet\u00ebsisht, por dik\u00eb m\u00eb pak, e dik\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb. Ose: secila\/i e ka vendin e vet n\u0113 hierarkin\u00eb emocionale! Nuk ka terezi, kandar. Kjo varet edhe nga kultura dominuese monogamike. S’\u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm gjenetike, por shum\u00eb edhe kulturore.<\/p>\n
Poliamor\u00ebt dhe sfidat e tyre<\/p>\n
Kur poliamor\u00ebt duan shum\u00eb partner\u00eb me dijenin\u00eb e t\u00eb gjith\u00ebve, shmangin pasoj\u00ebn emocionale, q\u00eb shpesh n\u00eb disa shoq\u00ebri m\u00eb konservatore, patriarkale e fetare, ka rezultuar me vrasje. Tradh\u00ebti \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm kur b\u00ebhet n\u00eb fsheht\u00ebsi, thyhet kontrata. Poliamor\u00ebt e heqin qafe tradh\u00ebtin\u00eb. Edhe zvog\u00eblohet d\u00ebshira p\u00ebr “shfalerka” dhe “shfaler\u00eb”, ose m\u00eb njer\u00ebzisht: “dashnore” dhe “dashnor\u00eb”! Edhe kan\u00eb p\u00ebrkat\u00ebsi sociale, m\u00eb pak vetmi, izolim dhe m\u00eb shum\u00eb socializim. Forcojn\u00eb ndjenj\u00ebn e komunitetit. Por kur duan t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb, rreth pronave, mund t\u00eb ken\u00eb telashe me ligjin. Q\u00eb n\u00eb start, nuk lejohet kuror\u00ebzimi. Konsiderohet si poligami! Mund t\u00eb komplikohet juridikisht situata, kur ka konflikte ose mospajtime mes poliamor\u00ebve, pasi q\u00eb gjat\u00eb relacionit social, kalojn\u00eb edhe n\u00eb raporte t\u00eb tjera krijuese, xhelozuese, pron\u00ebsore etj. Ka edhe “solopoli”, q\u00eb rrin\u00eb t\u00eb vet\u00ebm n\u00eb banes\u00eb e sht\u00ebpi, por kan\u00eb raporte poliamore.
\nPoliamoria n\u00eb Kosov\u00eb
\nN\u00eb Prishtin\u00eb ka dinamik\u00eb m\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, me disa sjellje m\u00eb liberale edhe n\u00eb aspektin dashuror dhe seksual, por poliamoria n\u00eb p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsi, nuk njihet n\u00eb Kosov\u00eb. Ekziston ligj\u00ebrisht monogamia seriale, nj\u00eb bashk\u00ebshort deri sa nuk ndahesh me t\u00eb, p\u00ebr t’u lidhur me nj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr. P\u00ebrve\u00e7 mongamis\u00eb seriale, ka raste nga e kaluara, si bigami, bigjini, kur burri martohet me dy gra, dhe zakonisht kur nuk b\u00ebn f\u00ebmij\u00eb, gruaja e par\u00eb. Sot kosovar\u00ebt dominohen edhe m\u00eb tej, me martes\u00ebn monogamike seriale, bashk\u00ebjetes\u00ebn e p\u00ebrhapur pas luft\u00ebs, sidomos n\u00eb Prishtin\u00eb, martes\u00ebn patrilokale (gruaja jeton te sht\u00ebpia ose pran\u00eb prind\u00ebrve t\u00eb bashk\u00ebshortit) dhe format e tjera dashurore, jan\u00eb t\u00eb njohura sidomos jasht\u00eb martes\u00ebs monogame, si: “shfalerka”, “shfaleri”. Pasi diktohen lidhjet jasht\u00ebmartesore, di\u00e7ka q\u00eb nuk p\u00ebrkon me poliamor\u00ebt, shumica e prishin martes\u00ebn. Dikur p\u00ebrfundonte me fatalitet, tash m\u00eb shum\u00eb me sportivitet (forma e drejt\u00eb!). Ekziston edhe martesa matrilokale, p.sh., djemt\u00eb q\u00eb po martohen me \u00e7ika t\u00eb jashtit n\u00eb Zvic\u00ebr, shkojn\u00eb jetojn\u00eb pran\u00eb familjes s\u00eb bashk\u00ebshortes dhe shpesh kjo i tensionon bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt e rritur nga kultura patrilokale e patriarkale n\u00eb Kosov\u00eb! Shpesh p\u00ebr k\u00ebta burra, thuhet se “i kan\u00eb dh\u00ebn\u00eb”, ngjash\u00ebm si\u00e7 thon\u00eb p\u00ebr vajzat!
\nA na mjafton monogamia?!
\nPaj, jo, dhe po! Jo, sepse kemi vazhdimisht ekspozim t\u00eb lidhjeve t\u00eb panum\u00ebrta sociale, fizike e virtuale; seksualizim total t\u00eb agor\u00ebs kudo; konsumim t\u00eb lidhjeve, frustrime, monotoni, lakmi, krahasime sociale etj. Po, sepse kurr\u00eb nuk ndalen t\u00eb bukurat rreth nesh! Me nj\u00eb q\u00eb jetojm\u00eb p\u00ebrher\u00eb, formojm\u00eb kujtimet afatgjate. Jan\u00eb disa faktor\u00eb socio-kulturor\u00eb dhe t\u00eb ekonomis\u00eb, q\u00eb e ruajn\u00eb monogamin\u00eb seriale n\u00eb Kosov\u00eb: vendi i vog\u00ebl dhe l\u00ebndimi i kohezionit social. Varf\u00ebri e madhe. Papun\u00ebsi. Pun\u00eb e paguar dob\u00ebt. Pa sigurim social e sh\u00ebndet\u00ebsor. Me nj\u00eb banes\u00eb ku jetojn\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebt me prind\u00ebrit e tyre. Prostitucioni nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb legal dhe ka ndrydhje gjithandej. Ka var\u00ebsi t\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebve nga prind\u00ebrit, edhe kur b\u00ebhen 30 vje\u00e7ar\u00eb, e l\u00ebre m\u00eb, m\u00eb t\u00eb rinj. Si temperament\u00eb, ende vlon gjaku shpejt dhe xhelozia n\u00eb provinca, \u00ebsht\u00eb e manifestuar n\u00eb forma shpesh t\u00eb vrazhda.<\/p>\n
A do t\u00eb p\u00ebrhapet poliamoria n\u00eb Kosov\u00eb?!
\nVaret nga dinamikat ekonomike, globale, sociale e kulturore. Ndoshta n\u00eb Prishtin\u00eb, ndonj\u00eb nga k\u00ebto trajta dashurore, po. Por p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb vendit t\u00eb vog\u00ebl, ka m\u00eb pak gjasa. Aty ku ka m\u00eb shum\u00eb anonimitet, individualitet, pavar\u00ebsi ekonomike e banesore, ka gjasa t\u00eb evoluojn\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb format e tilla dashurore. Tash p\u00ebr tash, i bajshim me shnet, “shfalerk\u00ebn” e “shfalerin”, divorcin pas tradh\u00ebtis\u00eb s\u00eb zbuluar ose tradh\u00ebtin\u00eb e fshehur, jet\u00ebn paralele romantike, apo pse jo, edhe besnik\u00ebrin\u00eb monogamike!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Avni Rudaku \u2013 sociolog Trajtat e lidhjeve dashurore po evoluojn\u00eb. Poliamor\u00ebt jan\u00eb p\u00ebrhapur mjaft shum\u00eb n\u00eb Per\u00ebndim. Kur dikush ju thot\u00eb: “Jam poliamor!”, nuk e ka fjal\u00ebn p\u00ebr “poliester”, por p\u00ebr lidhjen dashurore me shum\u00eb partner\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn koh\u00eb, duke e ditur t\u00eb gjith\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00ebri-tjetrin se jan\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb lidhje t\u00eb nj\u00ebkohshme, pa […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":51716,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-51714","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-lajme"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiostargjilan.com\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51714","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiostargjilan.com\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiostargjilan.com\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiostargjilan.com\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiostargjilan.com\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=51714"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/radiostargjilan.com\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51714\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiostargjilan.com\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/51716"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiostargjilan.com\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=51714"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiostargjilan.com\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=51714"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiostargjilan.com\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=51714"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}